SNAPPER - THE GIANT SNAPPING TURTLE MOVIE

SNAPPER INVADES CALI!!

2006-09-19T14:07:00.000-07:00

SNAPPER has invaded California! I sent a copy of the DVD to my most devoted art patroness. Here's what she had to say...

"...my son and I loved "SNAPPER"!!! It was gratuitously raunchy, dorky, funny and wonderfully stupid!! I can't wait to share it w/my family and friends!!"

So there ya' go, another happy camper.

For a crappy project that never gets worked on or finished in any kind of respectable way, that damn turtle's got some legs! Well, at least two.

Fartisimo!

IS SNAPPER DEAD?

2006-09-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

No, he's not dead...the project is just manned by someone who has completely lost the time to deal with it. Not that Snapper is important to the future of mankind or anything, it's just a silly hobby that has spawned a small and spotty cult following across the US. Perhaps someday I'll find time to revisit Ulanawa Lake and all the pure foolishness that occurs on its banks. Until then, here are some updates...

First we'd like to thank a someone in Wisconsin who purchased a Snapper girlie jersey! We love the idea that someone is sporting Snapper swag in the home state of Ed Gein! How about sending us a pic of you in your spiffy Snapper shirt? That goes for anyone else out there who got their mangy paws on one as well!

Just send it as a jpeg to snapperfilm@aol.com
and we'll post it on the site!

Get your very own snapper ware at THE SNAPPER SHOP!

Secondly, the folks who host the Snapper videos on the web have a new address. You can now find the Snapper videos and much more artsy fartsy stuff at technobohemia.net. Get in there and join there forums! They are an interesting bunch!

As for the future, there are only questions. Will there be anymore Snapper videos? Will we ever fix the fiasco that was Progeny? Will this site ever be regularly updated? Who knows. Keep checking back and we may just surprise you one day.

Fartisimo!

THANK YOU!

2006-05-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

We'd like to take a moment to thank the kind soul in NYC who recently purchased a black SNAPPER T-Shirt! You commitment to crap is highly appreciated! Wear it with pride and tell everyone you know about the turdacious foolishness that is SNAPPER!

Kudos also to another recent recipient of a SNAPPER girlie top from right here in our shit bucket state of Tennessee! She even sent us a picture.

Hell, send us pics of yourselves in your SNAPPER swag and we'll post 'em here on the ever on hiatus Snapper Blog!

UPDATE?

2006-05-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

So you're looking at the SNAPPER blog are you? Our apologies come with butter!

Anyway, things seem to have gone dormant in Snapper Land for the foreseeable future.

Will there ever be any new sorry ass Snapper movies? Yes, but it'll be awhile. If CARNAGE gets made, it'll be this fall. Until then, enjoy the turds we have to offer! Just click on a title in the links column to watch a Snapper Adventure right on your own computer.

We are not currently offering the DVD for sale due to some fuck nut attempting to use the link to bust into the old paypal account. Hell, we were out of 'em anyway.

A new DVD will be available in the future with all the Snapper tales plus some surprises. Details on how to get your will appear on this site.

Be sure to come back and watch us fester in our own dormancy sometime.

WE'RE STILL HERE

2006-03-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

Man, it's been awhile since the last update. We'll be doing some work on the blog in the coming week. We've got some new graphics and some house cleaning to do. The old Reactions to Snapper that used to dwell in the links column has been archived to the post below in an attempt to keep the blog less cluttered. We've put a link up to access the post once it scrolls into the netherworld.

The SNAPPER COMIC has been updated. A few pages of the PROGENY adaptation have been lying on a desk around here for months. We'll try to have those up for you this week. It's just a matter of finding time to fool with them.

We hope to have the final version of the SNAPPER PROGENY video done sometime in April. Again, this horrible SNAPPER SAGA is a hobby and finding time to mess with it is the issue. You can watch the atrocious mess that is PROGENY as it stands for now.

We just wanted to let anyone who gives a rat's ass know that THE SNAPPER SAGA still lives.

Salute!

REACTIONS TO SNAPPER

2006-03-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

What are people saying about THE SNAPPER SAGA? Read on to find out! If you'd like to add your two cents worth, email us at snapperfilm@aol.com or just use the comments link located under any recent post.

Dudes, SNAPPER is hilarious! I'm sorry, but SNAPPER PROGENY was crap. Compassion for the turtle? Come on! - TREY

I think SNAPPER PROGENY is a great teaser for the terrible events that we know it will lead into! This guy's just setting himself up for a bad end. - RINGMASTER

My dad was the one that purchased it to Arkansas and I have to say I loved it! Send me an email when the new one is coming out. - AARON

I watched SNAPPER recently and laughed rather a alot. There were two great gags in there. The first was where the two gentlemen are fishing and the one says, "My god. That was a good cast." It sounded so sincere, as though commenting on that cast was more important than ANYthing he could have been talking about. "I think I hit my nuts on a rock" was a great line. I don't know that I've ever heard that particular collection of words in that order before. It was an interesting twist on a cliche line. "A rock hit my nuts" would be commonplace, even boring, one might say, "Bob Sagetesque"; but by simply twisting the order of the words, you've brought new life into that joke. Also the delivery and the timing were spectacular, as though it were scripted and rehearsed. One final thought, it pays to be really fried when you watch it. I finally got 'round to watching all of SNAPPER REVENGE which contains one of the very best fight sequences ever recorded involving a cardboard turtle. I laughed rather a lot, which is saying something given the fact that I was sober when I watched it. And of course, "It took my balls!" A more classic line there isn't. - ASTROCOMICAL

SNAPPER is one of the best bad movies I have ever seen or been a part of. The cardboard and duct tape turtle is of the highest artistic standards (Momma, he ain't got no hind legs!). The audio and video precision granted by a VHS camcorder are excellent. And the acting itself, well, I think it's obvious the level of thought and preparation that went into the dialogue. And of course being the physical specimens that we are, all stunt work was done by us. Utter stupidity? Drunken tomfoolery? Comic genius? You be the judge. So do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of this movie. You'll be so glad you did. And if nothing else, the disc makes for a handsome beer coaster. And the case can be used as a hiding place for that freaky fetish porno that you want no one to know you possess. You know the one - with the livestock and midgets and key lime pie, you nasty sicko. - KEVIN

Guys, I must say that is one of the funniest movies, SNAPPER & SNAPPER REVENGE, I've ever seen. We will have to collaborate on a movie real soon between our characters. Can't wait for the third installment - DARION X

Guys, I wanna let you know how amazingly great that was! Great Laugh, and cheap humor. I loved it all! Guys if you want a "celebrity" to star in a Snapper film...have my Agent Shannon get in touch with me. - ARYKH

I get a kick out of SNAPPER...I'm going to watch SNAPPER REVENGE asap. - RAIETH

Ah, SNAPPER. A film that changed my life. I laughed. I cried. It became a part of me. The epic story of man against beast. What else could you want from a film? The subtle special effects and use of cardboard are astounding. No CGI here. The only better use of a turtle is "Gamera" and maybe "Bermuda Depths". This is a film to be seen and loved. If only there were plush toys to give to my kids. God bless the people responsible for "Snapper"! I only hope that the DVD does well and maybe, one day, we will see "Son of Snapper". SNAPPER is amazing. It is amazing what you can do with cardboard, a couple of friends, no budget, and time to kill one afternoon. It is a must see short film. You must see it while inebriated and plenty of friends are around to laugh-their-asses-off with you. SNAPPER is a work of art that will one day be a cult classic. I am sure that it is viewing material at several cults right now. And if you watch it, you will think about joining or maybe starting one. I cannot say enough things about this movie. It is well worth the price! Buy one! Hell, buy a bunch and give them to friends and family. The holidays are coming. Buy a whole crap load and decorate the tree with them this year! Seriously, it is worth seeing. - DUPEY

We got SNAPPER yesterday. I laughed my ass off!! Butchmule was cracking up too. At least I can say I knew you way back when the E! channel does your 'true hollywood story.' It was so cool to watch. The dvd packaging looked great. Are you making a cameo in SON OF SNAPPER? I think you should. Thanks for sending it to us. Have a good weekend. - BERE

I just finished watching my Promo DVD of SNAPPER with a splash of SNAPPER REVENGE and I must say it sped right past stupid and straight into Funny as shit. You can't help but burst into laughter... - MEATHEAD

SNAPPER is a film that plays on a primal childhood fear of mine, namely that a giant snapping turtle will burst out of a pile of nearby leaves and take a big bite out of my nuts. I'm unsure if it finally made it into a film because it is a widely held fear, or, merely just a coincidence, but it is a bit worrisome nonetheless. Disclaimers abound on the SNAPPER site and in the liner notes of the film that the film is not to be taken seriously, but with my turtle-nard munching phobia, I cannot help but take it as such. They also stress that it is not a good film, but I would argue that I could go to my DVD shelves and point to many a film that is worse. Many of these with much larger budgets than $5. SNAPPER manages to be both funny and terrifying to me at the same time. It gives you just enough time to begin feeling for the two fishermen before the carnage begins. I'm looking forward to SNAPPER REVENGE quite a bit, and I can only hope that down the road there will be such sequels as Son of Snapper, Bride of Snapper, and perhaps Curse of Snapper. Excellent use of a cardboard puppet. – FILTHY HIPPY

A true masterpiece of cinema arrived in my mailbox today...SNAPPER…I smell Oscar...I also smell..."a true majestic turd of a short film" Go get it now!!! - BITTER

Honestly, I did not know what to expect when I received my SNAPPER DVD, and I must say that I was not prepared for such an involved story. A story full of friendship and pain, terror and life struggle. The story begins simple enough, Kevin and Dave simply want to go on a fishing trip. But the simplicity soon ends as this trip turns into a fight for survival, and eventually costs them their lives. Snapper covers many genres of the theatrical field. With a mixture of The Blair Witch Project, Jaws, and Beavis and Butthead, these are lines that have clearly never been crossed. Few dare to tackle such a challenge. But with complex characters- Kevin, with the ever itchy butt, and Dave, with his inability to smoke a cigarette correctly, you are drawn in by the realness. If I were rating, I would give this movie 5 turds out of 5, but there is a burning question I can't get out of my mind that I'm afraid may never be answered - Who gets Kevin's fishing pole now that he's dead? Maybe this will be covered in the sequel, or the sure-to-be-coming prequel, I don't know, but for now - Remember...the next time you're camping, boating at the lake, or peeing off a pier, be careful. SNAPPER is out there, lurking, waiting for you to come near the water. I urge to you to think twice. Please.....be careful what you fish for... - KRIS

I thought it was excellent, excellent stuff. I applaud your efforts, sir...It's 11 minutes of hilarity. I laughed out loud. To me, that's the highest compliment one can give. - TOMMY

lol...SNAPPER was really scary... and to think that they actually, really for truly found SNAPPER! , it is like scaring the hell out of me...we need a posse... - JORDAN

SNAPPER kicked ass. I will be sure to spread the word about SNAPPER and how retarded it actually is. - SHANNON

Personally, I loved the SNAPPER short film. It's a laugh riot. Definitely worth the price of FREE. I hope those promo DVD's found good homes. - SKYCRY

God bless the makers of SNAPPER, bringing light to a member of the turtle family that is often forgotten and misunderstood. I must honestly say that I enjoyed this work of art that you guys did shit upon the earth. And it gets better and funnier with every viewing, as I try to spread the word. Thanks for the movie, guys --- a worthy addition to my collection! I laughed, I cried, and I took a nice shit afterwards. See you at the Oscars! - JAMIE

Ah SNAPPER.... My life was going well before I got involved in making this piece of crap. Since then I've lost my house, my fiance' and was forced to move from Knoxville!! All because of the 'joys' of being in this movie!! It's good to know you guys are making millions pimping out this retarded bitch!! I hope you rot in Hell.... Just kidding!! SNAPPER is fantastic!! Order it, buy it, make love to it!! JUST GET IT!! You will not be sorry!! Well, you might be!! - DAVE

RETURN TO CURRENT POST

SNAPPER CONFOUNDS DEMS

2006-02-14T17:31:00.000-08:00

Someone at democraticunderground.com seems to be doing a bit of sleuthing. We here at Southernecrology Productions find the following link to be quite amusing.

LOGAN'S CURSE?

Ugawalla? Yup. Okay then. Actually reading the content of this blog would've helped ease the apparent confusion. Still, thanks for the link!

SNAPPER COMIC REVISED

2006-02-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

Whad'ya know...revising of the existing SNAPPER COMIC pages I and II is underway. Slow going as is everything around here, but underway. Click below to have a peek.

THE SNAPPER COMIC

Meanwhile, Skycry is working on something special for our next run of FREE PROMO DVDS! We're all out at the moment, but keep checking back! Your hand out dreams will soon come true. I'm assuming someone out there cares.

Silly me.

Until then, talk amongst yourselves and watch our stupid videos.

SNAPPER - Be Careful What You Fish For!

SNAPPER REVENGE - Let's Make Some Soup!

SNAPPER PROGENY - Why Won't it Come Out? rough cut

We also have one non-snapper video. It's a spoof of the sci-fi classic LOGAN'S RUN. Click the title below to check it out!

LOGAN RUNS - There is no Sanctuary!

SNAPPER'S OUT OF FREEBIES

2006-01-26T18:21:00.000-08:00

We are officially out of free promo DVDs. All fifty of the initial promo DVDs featuring SNAPPER and SNAPPER IN THE RAW have gone out into the world. I'm sure they are all living full lives as beverage coasters, improvised frisbees or as implements whose uses we dare not fathom. Hopefully, SNAPPER discs make occasional appearances at drunken gatherings, much to the amusement of all subjected to them. After all, that's the purpose they were meant to serve. We'll have another few promos in the coming months, so stay tuned! We may have some shirts and a new version of the promo DVD next time around.

Currently, we are trying to get back on track with the SNAPPER COMIC. The completed pages need some reworking and several more pages need to get started. We intend to have that project wrapped up pretty soon.

In the video realm, we're going to add a few scenes and do some major tweaking to SNAPPER PROGENY in the coming months. This will clear the way for work on the final Snapper adventure, SNAPPER CARNAGE, to get underway.

For now, you can watch our SNAPPER SAGA as it exists thus far. Just click on the titles below to enjoy the tales of our testicle munching rampaging reptile right on your own computer!

SNAPPER - Be Careful What You Fish For!

SNAPPER REVENGE - Let's Make Some Soup!

SNAPPER PROGENY - Why Won't it Come Out? rough cut

We also have one non-snapper video. It's a spoof of the sci-fi classic LOGAN'S RUN. Click the title below to check it out!

LOGAN RUNS - There is no Sanctuary!

GIRLS GONE GRABBLIN'

2006-01-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

If you think taking on a vicious cardboard snapping turtle puppet sounds dangerous, you should check out some grabblin' action!

Grabbling or Noodling is the art of 'hand fishing' for catfish. You find a hole, stick your hand into it, wiggle your fingers and hope a monstrous catfish bites onto your hand. When it does, you grab its lower lip and wrestle it out of the hole. It sounds like fiction, but it's fact. Since seeing is believing, I suggest you check out catfishgrabblers.com. That where I ordered my Girls Gone Grabblin' DVD!

Unlike certain profanity laden videos about a testicle munching turtle, GGG is fine entertainment for the whole family! You'll be amazed as Southern gals wrestle catfish up to fifty pounds out of their underwater hideouts. Get your Girls Gone Grabblin' DVD from catfishgrabblers.com today! It's worth every penny!

Don't forget to watch our profanity laden, crap fest SNAPPER videos while you're here!

catfishgrabblers.com is no way affiliated with, nor endorses Southernecrology Productions' SNAPPER SAGA.

GET YOUR FREE DVD

2006-01-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's time for a freebie! Up for grabs are the last of the Snapper Promotional DVDs. The promo DVD features SNAPPER and SNAPPER IN THE RAW and does not come with a case. If you would like to receive one absolutely free, just send us your name and postal mailing address via the email link below. We will not share this information or put you on any type of mailing list. This offer is good within The United States only.

snapperfilm@aol.com

Act now! Supplies are extremely limited! Thanks for your interest in SNAPPER!

THE BEAST OF ULANAWA

2006-01-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

There is a lake that sometimes runs red. There is a lake that holds a ferocious beast. There is a lake haunted by a vicious turtle.

In Ulanawa Lake, there lurks SNAPPER!

Many claim to have seen SNAPPER, but physical evidence for the creature's existence has yet to be found. The only thing on record is the following photographic evidence. The photos were developed from film found in a bloody camera on the banks of Ulanawa Lake. The blood was determined to be of human origin, but the donor was never found or identified. The discovery was followed by the largest rash of mysterious deaths and disappearances in the history of Ulanawa Lake.

It is assumed that these photos are either a hoax or the last photos taken by a person or persons who met their fate at the jaws of SNAPPER.

Though these photos brought on a revival of SNAPPER sightings and supposed attacks, reports of the Beast of Ulanawa were nothing new. Cherokee legends claim that the lake is home to an evil spirit trapped in the body of a turtle, hence the lake's moniker, Ulanawa.

A tale originating in the 1800's claims that SNAPPER was the trained attack pet of a local freed slave turned gunfighter. He had trained the beast for the sole purpose of brutally slaying the man who murdered his father. After the deed was done, the gunfighter released SNAPPER into Ulanawa Lake. A reward for the turtle, but an eternal curse upon the townsfolk.

For the purpose of our videos, our stories our based upon the claims of a local eccentric. According to him, his mentally deficient twin brother and a companion were slain by SNAPPER on an ill fated fishing trip. The two were indeed found dead and mutilated in a wooded area near the lake, but it was never proven that SNAPPER was the culprit.

Unfortunately, the authorities alluded to the beast when informing the man of his brother's death. That was all it took. He needed someone to blame. He chose SNAPPER.

In the months that followed, the man claimed to have hunted down, slain and even eaten his reptilian quarry. He swore he was assisted by a man he referred to only as The Turtle Hunter. He also claimed that this hunter had lost his life to SNAPPER in the process. Authorities searched the lake upon hearing these claims, but no trace of hunter or turtle was ever found. The man claimed to have kept SNAPPER'S head, but had eaten it as well for good measure.

With no body or evidence of any kind, authorities deemed the man a harmless crack pot and left it at that. They assumed the loss of his twin brother had frayed his last nerve.

He now roams the streets, telling his tales to anyone who will listen. His latest raving concerns his passing of an egg swallowed during his feasting upon SNAPPER'S innards. He claims to have attempted to raise SNAPPER'S offspring, only to have things go horribly awry.

Just exactly what happened he refuses to say.

If you're ever in the Ulanawa Lake area, ask someone to point out the Snapper guy. He'll gladly relay his supposed experiences for you.

Until that day comes, check out our SNAPPER videos by clicking the links in the top of the right hand column. You can watch them on your computer.

Enjoy!

Photos courtesy of T.N. Clay. Images originally appeared in his book, THE CURSE OF SNAPPER.

WE'RE REMODELING

2005-12-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

Our returning visitors may notice some changes around here as of late. I've been tweaking the look of the site a bit, in hopes of bringing a little more cohesion to our graphics. Things will probably change some more over the next couple of weeks or so. I'm just trying to simplify the look of things. The links column was beginning to look a bit cluttered up due to all the different image styles.

There was some talk tonight about shooting a new ending for the final version of PROGENY. We came up with something that should bring it more in line with the previous adventures. After the additional scenes are added, we're going to do a decent edit and have a much more polished turd for your enjoyment.

PROGENY as it stands is just some rough shots that were slapped together with a VCR. We truly operate in the Stone Age around here. The final version will be run through I-Movie before it's actually committed to the SNAPPER SAGA DVD. Still, you can watch the latest debacle 'as is' by clicking the link below.

WATCH SNAPPER PROGENY

Don't forget to watch our other idiotic Snapper adventures as well.

We'll see you in the New Year with some brand new comic pages, art, apparel and video project updates.

PROGENY IS ONLINE!

2005-12-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

It's finally here! The rough version of SNAPPER PROGENY is now available to watch online! Just click the image below to watch it. There's still some tweaking to be done, but we hope you will enjoy the most recent addition to the Snapper Saga. It's complete crap, literally. Eventually, a more 'polished' version will appear on the next edition of our Snapper Saga DVD.

We also have another act of stupidity for your consideration. Click the image below to watch our 'poop joke' send up of the sci-fi classic Logan's Run. Shot years ago in lovely downtown Knoxville, Tennessee, LOGAN RUNS focuses on a Sandman who desperately needs to find a bit of Sanctuary.

Well, that pretty much does it as far as new SNAPPER stuff for 2005. It's been a decent year for our rampaging reptile. We've received some cool feedback, sold some DVDs, ran some promos and met some interesting Snapper Fans lurking in the far flung corners of the USA.

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who's been a part of what we've done and/or used their own precious free time to further our idiotic projects.

Dave, Sky and Cro-Mag, without your memorable characters and ad-libbed tomfoolery, there'd be no Snapper at all! You guys are the best!

As for tech support, we would have never gotten online or even off the ground had it not been for the time and efforts of Xyon and The Ringmaster over at Technobohemia.com. Kudos to you both! Thanks for your time and patience.

For everyone out there that watched Snapper, bought a DVD, responded to our promos, forced your friends to watch Snapper and/or furthered our cause in any way, THANK YOU on behalf of everyone here at Southernecrology Productions!

2006 will be the year of the final Snapper video. SNAPPER CARNAGE will bring all this crap to a fitting conclusion. Be sure and visit us in the new year for updates on the final project! Next year will also see the Snapper Comic finished, believe it or not...and yes Ringmaster, PAYBACK will be included.

Until then, everyone have a great holiday season while spreading rampant stupidity!

PREPARE FOR POOP!

2005-12-19T14:48:00.000-08:00

I got a call from the Ringmaster over at Technobohemia.com today. He'd just re-scanned the rough version of SNAPPER PROGENY! He should have it online for all you good folks to suffer through very soon.

He also plans to make another of our crappy blasts from the past, LOGAN RUNS available in streaming video as well. Logan Runs is of course a spoof of/homage to the legendary sci-fi classic LOGAN'S RUN. We of course, in all our typical craptastic glory, take it down to the level of a sophomoric poop joke.

Oh well.

Have you ever wondered what kind of morons would allow themselves to be in a SNAPPER debacle? Have you ever pondered what kind of lives they must lead? Well, two of our SNAPPER cast members run little blogs about this, that and everything. Just follow the character descriptions below to read their blogs.

THE TURTLE HUNTER'S BLOG

BALL CAP'S BLOG

Be sure and keep checking the site for SNAPPER PROGENY! You don't want to miss an eleven minute video about Dave trying to poop out and egg do you?

Um...well, maybe you might.

IT'S ALMOST TIME!

2005-12-17T21:14:00.000-08:00

Yup, the time is drawing nigh for FESTIVUS! Break out the aluminum pole, invite some friends and/or foes over, air your grievances and let the feats of strength begin!

It beats the hell out of that reworked pagan Saturnalia with a dash of Mithraism we know as Christmas! No gifts, no shopping, no messy tree and no false sentiments, it's just plain fun!

Get on the bandwagon! Dump Christmas and all its pointless frustration.

Celebrate the wonderfully guiltless and meaningless FESTIVUS!

You'll be glad you did!

IDIOTS IN FESTIVUS BOOK

2005-12-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

Though not SNAPPER related, three members of the Southernecrology Buffoonery Team are featured in a brand new, nationally released book about Festivus!

The following is from jadedjournal.blogspot.com...

Well, Allen Salkin's little book about Festivus is out and available on the shelves of your local chain bookseller. If you were to pick up a copy and leaf through the pages, some of you might find a familiar face or three staring back. Yes, right there on page twenty-two you'll find three members of the Southernecrology crew celebrating Festivus.

FULL STORY AND PHOTOS

SNAPPER - BACK IN BLACK!

2005-11-23T14:08:00.000-08:00

Hey kids, ever been perusing the SNAPPER SHOP and thought to yourself, I wish these damn snapper T-Shirts came in black! Black is, of course, the mandatory color for T-Shirts celebrating all things dorky and futile. Well, your wet dreams have come true! The black Snapper T-Shirt is now available! This lovely garment features the promo poster for the original z-budget SNAPPER video! Click the link below to check it out and order yours today! All proceeds will benefit further projects and our generally degenerate lifestyle.

SNAPPER BLACK T-SHIRT

PROGENY ONLINE ON HOLD

2005-11-19T10:30:00.000-08:00

We've returned from a week of well needed vacation from work. During this time, we'd planned to run PROGENY through I-Movie on Sky's Mac. Sadly, we discovered that the on hand wire to connect camera to computer wasn't the match we thought it would be...imagine that. Our location at the time would've caused the seeking of the correct fire wire to be a huge hassle. Hassle and vacation are two things that no one wants to mix.

The Ringmaster at Technobohemia.com still has a rough version he plans to make available online, but he's been plagued with some recurring technical nightmares.

Oh well, it'll get online when it gets online.

Until then, look for the SNAPPER PROGENY comic adaptation to appear here very soon!

THE FINAL SNAPPER

2005-11-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Yup, we've one final tale to tell. Then there will be no more Snapper. It's time for an all out bonanza of gore and unrealistic violence. Hell, we might halfway try for some quality this time. Yeah, right.

It's time for...SNAPPER CARNAGE!

A rash of deaths, disappearances and mutilations begin to plague Ulanawa Lake after several quiet years. During this time, tales of Snapper have become little more than local legend. That is, until a mysterious stranger appears with an even more mysterious tale: A tale of a brother slaughtered, a quest for revenge, and an attempt at compassion for an orphaned reptile.

Only he can stop what stalks the lake. Only he can bring an end to the CARNAGE!

When will we make it? Who knows. Furthermore, who cares? Still, keep checking back for more rampant stupidity.

NEW SNAPPER GALLERY

2005-11-07T20:08:00.000-08:00

Greetings fans of complete crap! Well, why else would you be here? The Ringmaster has left word that it will be a bit longer before PROGENY goes online. Sit tight and keep your nuts off the rocks kids, he'll get to it when he can.

In the meantime, you can peruse the all new SNAPPER GALLERY! There you will find art and still photos from all three Snapper adventures, as well as the stagnant comic book project. I'll rectify the languishing state of the comic soon. Click the link below to check out the new gallery.

SNAPPER ART/PHOTO GALLERY

Enjoy!

ALL FREAKED OUT

2005-11-04T22:25:00.000-08:00

FREAKSHOW 2005 has come and gone. Videos were screened, art was sold, and much alcohol was consumed. It was another successful event for the good folks over at Technobohemia.com. The only blight on the event was a drunken party foul or three committed by yours truly. My bad on that one for sure. Oh well, live and learn. Click the link below to see photos from the event.

FREAKSHOW 2005 GALLERY

We'll let you know when the latest atrocious turtle tale, SNAPPER PROGENY, goes online for your viewing disgust/pleasure, whatever the case may be.

LET THERE BE POOP!

2005-10-24T19:07:00.000-07:00

After a rough assembly of the material we had for PROGENY so far, we realized something. Just getting to the egg hatching made the video eleven minutes or so long. It's an unwritten law around here that Snapper tales can't exceed twenty minutes. The sheer awfulness of these things requires a quick telling. We know brevity is the soul of wit. Because of this, we declare PROGENY finished.

This tale covers the horrible constipation due to turtle innard ingestion by Dave's character from REVENGE, his ensuing nightmares and the manner in which he relieves said symptoms. Basically, it's an eleven minute short about a man desperately trying to take a shit. As for turtle effects, Snapper Junior makes a brief appearance as a hatchling in the video's final scene.

This is the lowest quality Snapper short yet. Still, those who've seen the video have loved it. I guess you can't beat a giant dose of toilet humor.

SNAPPER PROGENY will premier at TechnoBohemia.com's FREAKSHOW 2005 on October 28th. After the final title screens and adjustments are made, it will be available to watch online and be added to a new version of the SNAPPER DVD. Keep watching this site for updates.

The rest of PROGENY's intended story will be told via yet another Snapper Tale.

God forgive us...

SNAPPER HITS ARKANSAS

2005-10-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the latest purchaser of a SNAPPER DVD, we can now add another state to the SNAPPER TOUR! Arkansas has now officially joined the list of states to which SNAPPER DVDs have shipped. That brings our total states infected so far to thirteen. Now, if only folks in the remaining thirty seven states would order DVDs, we could reach our goal of plastering America with the horrid atrocity that is THE SNAPPER SAGA!

What are you waiting for? Order your slice of rampant stupidity today! Just click the PayPal button in the right hand links column to order!

You have nothing to lose except your time, money and dignity.

20 DAYS UNTIL FREAKSHOW!

2005-10-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

Hello out there! Just wanted to say thanks to all the returning visitor traffic we've had as of late. There's at least two folks that come here just about every day. Whoever you are, thanks for your interest!

In just twenty days, you can get your first look at the crap-a-thon that is PROGENY at TechnoBohemia.com's FREAKSHOW 2005! Click the image below for details about the event...

At this point, it looks like we'll most likely be showing the footage shot for PROGENY thus far. We'd hoped to do a little mock-umentary, but time is running short. Trying to get the art pieces for the show finished, working up a costume, and coordinating time when the entire SN Buffoonery Team can converge for some Snapper Stuff is a bit taxing...especially when I work nearly seventy hours a week, as do the other members. Oh well.

FREAK SHOW 2005

2005-09-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time for another TechnoBohemia Art Show! This event will be even bigger and better than the last one! There will be art, videos, costumes, booze and more!

Come one, come all to the most eclectic Halloween Party/Art Show the region has to offer!

SNAPPER and SNAPPER REVENGE will once again be in the video loop for your enjoyment and/or disgust! SNAPPER PROGENY will not be done in time for the show, but we hope to have either a very short documentary about The Snapper Saga and/or a sneak peek of PROGENY thus far!

Click on the image above to get more info directly from TechnoBohemia.com!

BACK FROM A-HA IN NYC!!!

2005-09-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

Hi kids, sorry about the lag in posting. Three quarters of the Southernecrology Buffoonery Team went to NYC earlier this week for the concert of a lifetime...THE RETURN OF a-ha TO AMERICAN SOIL!!!!

Yes, it's been nineteen years since the best damn pop band in the world played live on these shores. Known in America for their hugely successful song Take on Me, a-ha dropped off most American's radar after 1986.

However, they did not drift off into oblivion. They went on to HUGE international success! Seven albums and nineteen years later, a-ha announced that there would be one show in the US during their current tour. Tickets for the event went on sale this past June and sold out in a mere 52 minutes!

The show was absolutely amazing! I will never forget it...EVER! Click below to see pictures from our trip and the concert.

A-HA IN NYC PHOTOS

So what does this have to do with SNAPPER? Well, the trip put us further behind in finishing PROGENY...but we'll get done sometime. It's not like anyone's out there dying for it anyway.

WEST COAST SNAPPER

2005-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

I got word today that one of Snapper's pals on the West Coast will be carting one of our atrocious DVDs to the North American Science Fiction Con aka Cascadia Con in Seattle this weekend. She plans to show it to whoever is willing to suffer through it.

Good luck to her I say! I just hope no one smashes it over her head after watching it.

PROGENY HAS BEGUN

2005-08-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

Well kids, we got a bit of PROGENY shot yesterday. It is proving to be another wondrous crap fest! Wrought with shaky camera work, bad lighting, not-so-special effects and god awful acting, PROGENY fits in perfectly with the previous atrocious SNAPPER adventures. We've got a few still shots below. We'd of had more, but we forgot to take the still camera along during the outdoor scenes.

Clockwise from top left: Dave's constipation will hopefully be solved by a big dose of COLON BLAST BRAN FLAKES - After many bowls, a painful success is achieved - The release of Dave's bowels exposes the blockage - Dave ponders the egg - The egg hatches - No, it's not Ernest Goes To Camp...it's a baby Snapper!

As you can see, we are well on our way to committing another horrible insult to the efforts of true independent film makers.

Oh well.

FREE SNAPPER DVD

2005-08-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's the first of the free promos to celebrate the one year blogiversary of SNAPPER! Up for grabs is a Snapper Promotional DVD featuring SNAPPER and SNAPPER IN THE RAW. It will be sent to the first person that claims it ABSOLUTELY FREE!

Just email us your name and postal mailing address via the email link below. We will not share this information or put you on any type of mailing list. This offer is good within The United States only.

snapperfilm@aol.com

Thanks again for your interest in SNAPPER!

PROGENY BEGINS!

2005-08-10T19:10:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, we've actually begun making SNAPPER PROGENY props! We've got an egg, a stunt egg, an under construction hatching action snapper and a small hatchling Snapper underway.

Be assured, all these special effects will be of the lowest Z-budget quality!

PROGENY will begin shooting on August 20th, 2005.

We'll have pictures of some of the new puppets for you soon.

SNAPPER BLOGIVERSARY

2005-08-06T08:43:00.000-07:00

It was on August 5th of 2004 that the SNAPPER BLOG first opened its doors to the public. That made yesterday our official one year anniversary!

I completely forgot.

Since then, we've sold some DVD's, Snapper shirts, started a shitty comic, continually threatened to make Snapper Progeny, and met some very depraved and interesting folks.

Anyway, to celebrate one full year of wasted time, we will soon be running some FREE PROMOS OF SNAPPER SWAG!

Details will be posted here soon, so keep checking back!

Until then, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU FISH FOR!!!!

SNAPPER COMIC'S NEW HOME

2005-07-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Well kids, the revised though yet unfinished SNAPPER COMIC has a new home. Click on the image above to view it. The new locale loads up super fast, unlike the blog page that previously housed the comic.

Yup.

Okay then, on to the latest Snapper comment via Techno Bohemia's Snapper Forum.

I finally got 'round to watching all of Snapper Revenge which contains one of the very best fight sequences ever recorded involving a cardboard turtle. I laughed rather a lot, which is saying something given the fact that I was sober when I watched it.

And of course, "It took my balls!" A more classic line there isn't. - ASTROCOMICAL

Thanks Astro! I'm glad our foolishness brought you happiness.

THE FLATWOODS MONSTER

2005-07-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

On the return trip from Ozzfest in Pittsburgh, we stopped in the small town of Flatwoods, West Virginia. The town was allegedly the site of a UFO crash on September 12, 1952. The locals that wandered up to the site were faced with a twelve foot tall monster that pretty much scared them shitless. The authorities were called in and conducted what Ufologists believe to be a cover-up that mirrored the Roswell incident.

There's really nothing there to be seen. If you blinked, you'd miss the town. Still, you don't see a Home of the Green Monster sign every day. There was a small 'Monster Museum' there for a festival in 2002, but we didn't see any sign of it. I doubt it would've been open on Sunday anyway.

Okay then, you can read more about the incident at the link below.

FLATWOODS MONSTER WEBSITE

In the SNAPPER realm, the Comic Book is undergoing an overhaul. The revised and improved pages will soon have a new, faster loading home. Keep watching for updates!

QUICK SNAPPER UPDATE

2005-07-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, I've been pretty lax about updating the old SNAPPER blog lately. If anyone cares, I apologize. Between work and the fact that this is 'road trip' season for the Southernecrology Buffoonery Team, there hasn't been much time to work on Snapper stuff.

There will be a new SNAPPER COMIC page up by Thursday, so be sure to come back and check it out!

PROGENY is supposedly getting underway in August, barring work schedule conflicts among the group. We still hope to have it done by September, but it looks like it might be later.

Anyway, crap like SNAPPER isn't the only thing to come out of Southernecrology Productions. You can check out some serious art work via the spankin' new gallery! Just click the link below to...

...VISIT SOUTHERNECROLOGY'S GALLERY

Enjoy.

BACK FROM G-FEST XII

2005-07-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

We just got back from G-FEST XII* yesterday. It was a blast! We saw many great displays, models, art, costumes, and a big screen showing of GODZILLA FINAL WARS! We also dropped a few SNAPPER business cards here and there.

We'd love to hear from fellow G-FANS that decided to visit this site and watch our crappy movies. SNAPPER may not be kaiju in size, but we hope you get a laugh out of the movies.

Before you watch the movies, be advised that they are chock full of gratuitous profanity! Parental guidance is highly suggested!

We are still planning on doing suitmation for the next SNAPPER adventure, SNAPPER PROGENY. We will probably bring the costume to G-FEST XIII where we may be reviled for creating the idiotic and profane waste of time that is THE SNAPPER SAGA!

Regardless, all hail the glory that is GODZILLA!

We also have technobemia.com's top media rankings below.

Techno Bohemia Top Media for July 2005

1. "At the Boozer" MP3 Podcast Ep. 1 (293 hits 2+gig)
2. "At the Boozer" MP3 Podcast Ep. 2 (130 hits 740meg)
3. Snapper (74 hits)
4. Snapper Revenge (42 hits)
5. Aurora Chair (8 hits)
6. Alien Hunter (7 hits)

SNAPPER has been knocked from his long held top spot! Help us get it back! Watch SNAPPER now!

*DISCLAIMER - G-Fest/Daikaiju Enterprises is in no way associated with nor endorses SNAPPER

THAT'S NO BRATWURST!

2005-07-02T07:53:00.000-07:00

It seems that a Snapper somehow ended up in Europe and took at snap at some German teenager's penis!

He reportedly cried out - Es hat fast meine Bälle genommen! (It almost took my balls!)

READ MORE...

SNAPPER - A RETROSPECTIVE

2005-06-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Way back in 2001, on an innocent trip to a now defunct comic shop in a neighboring state, four friends conversed about snapping turtles. Tales of past fishing trips involving close encounters with these majestic beasts did abound.

Dupey told an engaging tale of my battling one such enormous creature with a stick in an attempt to save our fishing pole. Ah, glory days. From this story, the conversation turned to the fact that there had never been a movie concerning such things.

There had been films about killer sharks, alligators, octopi, bees, snakes, spiders, and a plethora of other fauna. Hell, there'd even been a movie about giant killer rabbits!

Anyone remember Night of the Lepus?

We decided such a movie should exist. A movie called SNAPPER. A movie where hapless redneck fishermen would pit their half-wits against such a beast.

Much was made of the idea during the trip, though we all knew it would probably never happen.

Still, a few weeks later one of the voyagers began building a half ass Snapper puppet. It was built cheaply and quickly, its main purpose being to give the other travelers a good laugh when next they met.

Upon seeing the ridiculous puppet, the rest of the group decided that the movie had to be made! It would be something just for them, a home movie project to enjoy for years to come.

And so it began...THE SNAPPER SAGA.

Three friends took said turtle puppet, a jar of home made theatrical blood, a crappy borrowed camcorder, a fishing pole, and their ridiculous idea to a local lake. There was no script or story, so the 'actors' just ad-libbed scenes and battled the atrocious puppet.

After a mere three hours of lunacy, they returned to a little apartment to view what they had wrought. They were the first to witness SNAPPER.

All were thrilled with the results. They had committed an act of complete stupidity and captured it for the ages. The footage was viewed by many other friends and acquaintances. Everyone who viewed it fell under the charm of its rampant stupidity.

Hell, it had been so much fun, it was soon decided that a sequel should be made.

Thus was born SNAPPER REVENGE barely two months later.

Shot with that same crap ass camcorder and complete lack of planning, REVENGE took rampant stupidity to new heights, or should I say lows.

It also garnered the same appreciation as its predecessor when shown at random gatherings.

A few primitive VCR to VCR attempts were made to edit the footage, but the project was soon abandoned. For nearly three years, the tapes languished on a shelf, occasionally shown when the friends felt nostalgic. It was finished. They had fulfilled their purpose. They had made a home movie just for themselves.

Then it happened.

In 2004, a friend offered to help edit the movies via Final Cut Pro and transfer them to DVD. The idea was to try and promote the project. Perhaps other folks out there would appreciate THE SNAPPER SAGA as well.

After many long nights at the console, it was accomplished. What had begun as a joke among friends so many years ago would now be accessible to the outside world. SNAPPER had gone digital. This blog was born in August of that same year.

SNAPPER made his first public foray as a free DVD given out at Dragon*Con 2004. A few promotional freebies via this blog followed.

We were even lucky enough to get the fine folks at Technobohemia.com to host streaming video of both 'films' on their unique website.

Since then we've had a smattering of SNAPPER DVD sales as well as SNAPPER APPAREL sales. We've recieved some fun email and comments concerning our atrocious yet majstic turd of a film series and even a couple of 'fan fiction' items.

A floundering, ever in progress SNAPPER comic book has reared its ugly head as well. Someday it may actually get finished.

The first public showing of THE SNAPPER SAGA took place on June 17th, 2005 at the Technobohemia Art Show. Everyone seemed to enjoy the never failing rampant stupidity that had been wrought.

What was the point of all this, you might ask?

Well, maybe there isn't one. This much I do know, an idea four dorks on their way to a comic book shop had in 2001 became real. It materialized and went out into the world to be judged. Most people seemed to enjoy it.

I think that's pretty neat.

Keep watching the lake! SNAPPER PROGENY is coming soon!

No, we really don't know when to quit.

GIANT CATFISH!

2005-06-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what a 646 pound giant catfish looks like? They pulled this monster out of the Mekong River in Thailand.

Ack! This would have been a great adversary for SNAPPER! Snapper versus Catfish...hmmmm.

READ MORE...

POST SHOW THOUGHTS

2005-06-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

Well kids, the TECH BO art show was a roaring success. Folks came, they browsed, they drank, they bought art, and even cracked a few guffaws at the stupidity that is SNAPPER.

It was a good night that left me with a touch of hangover. Now I must get it together and head to ADVENTURECON! There we will lay a few SNAPPER promo DVDs about as if they were Chick Tracts.

Sadly, no one will be saved because of it.

LATEST SNAPPER REACTION

2005-06-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

The following is the latest SNAPPER reaction via the TECH BO FORUMS.

I watched "Snapper" recently and laughed rather a lot. There were two great gags in there. The first was where the two gentlemen are fishing and the one says, "My god. That was a good cast." It sounded so sincere, as though commenting on that cast was more important than ANYthing he could have been talking about.

"I think I hit my nuts on a rock" was a great line. I don't know that I've ever heard that particular collection of words in that order before. It was an interesting twist on a cliche line. "A rock hit my nuts" would be commonplace, even boring, one might say, "Bob Sagetesque"; but by simply twisting the order of the words, you've brought new life into that joke. Also the delivery and the timing were spectacular, as though it were scripted and rehearsed.

One final thought, it pays to be really fried when you watch it.

ASTROCOMICAL

SNAPPER PAGE SIX

2005-06-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

Enjoy...

SNAPPER SHOWING

2005-06-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

The first public showing of the SNAPPER SAGA will take place at the 'Art Show' touted above. We here at Southernecrology Productions are well aware that we may be assailed by rotten vegetables hurled at tremendous speeds, but that comes with the territory.

Check out technobohemia.com for more details about the show and other participating artists.

TECHBO'S MOST WATCHED - MAY 2005

2005-06-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

The following is from technobohemia.com's forums. They host our crappy SNAPPER movies on the web. It looks like our pitiful excuse for art has triumphed!

TECHBO'S MOST WATCHED - MAY 2005

Keep in mind that the site was down alot last month, so traffic fell off sharply as we tried to get the site rebuilt with Geeklog. Snapper does it again!

1. Snapper (78 hits)
2. Snapper Revenge (58 hits)
3. Alien Hunter (tie - 10 hits)
3. Aurora Chair (tie - 10 hits)
4. Your Mileage May Vary (mp3 audio) (8 hits)

My thanks to everyone who sacrificed their precious time to watch the rampant stupidity that is the SNAPPER SAGA! No, you'll never get that time back.

Be sure to visit Techno Bohemia and check out all the madness they have to offer!

NEW SNAPPER COMIC PAGE

2005-05-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

Have a gander at page seven of the SNAPPER COMIC BOOK. Yay! More crappy shit has been spewed out into the void. Click on the image above to see the whole comic book thus far...

TURTLE ATTACKS DOG!

2005-05-28T22:49:00.000-07:00

This surely isn't a common event in the animal kingdom, but it's quite funny. Watch as a surly tortoise takes a few shots at the family dog. Click below to watch the video.

WATCH TURTLE ATTACKING DOG VIDEO

Okay, if anyone out there is just waiting for some new SNAPPER stuff, be sure to come back Tuesday 5/31/05 for some spanking new SNAPPER COMIC BOOK pages. Until then, you can read FROM CRAPPER TO SNAPPER - THE ORIGIN OF THE TURTLE HUNTER. It's time well spent.

TURTLE HUNTER ORIGIN

2005-05-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Troy of SNAPPER REVENGE fame, or maybe infamy, has penned a lovely tale that delves deep into his REVENGE character's past. Find out exactly what happened the day he lost his balls to a rampaging reptile! It's a bit long to post here, but you can read it in it's entirety on his JADED JOURNAL blog site. Just click the image above or the text below to read it.

READ FROM CRAPPER TO SNAPPER

TECHBO IS BACK!

2005-05-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Technobohemia.com, which hosts the streaming video of SNAPPER and SNAPPER REVENGE, is back up with a new and improved site. Unfortunately, a lot of previous posts there were lost in the upgrade.

Still, feel free to visit their SNAPPER FORUM and help to get that baby filled up again!

While you're there, be sure and enjoy all the other videos and madness that the Techno Bohemians have to offer!

Don't forget to check back here Monday for an all new prose story detailing the origins of everyone's favorite nutless Turtle Hunter penned by the very man to portray him in SNAPPER REVENGE!

I promise, it's hilarious!

BIG SNAPPER UPDATE

2005-05-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

Well, the time has come. After nearly six months of procrastination, mostly due to a lack of free time, SNAPPER PROGENY will finally get off the ground. From here on out, I will actually have one entire day off work per week. The new turtles will be built, scenes will be shot, and another crappy SNAPPER debacle will be shit out into the void we call reality.

You may wonder why we even bother making this stuff. Why put time and energy into zero budget short films that will never gain us fame or fortune?

Because it's fun!

If no one other than the folks who participate in these projects ever saw them, we would still make them. Still, we enjoy the idea of others viewing our atrocious little productions. We like to think that someone out there is watching SNAPPER and/or SNAPPER REVENGE and having a good laugh.

PROGENY will take our low brow approach to a whole new depth. The production quality will actually improve this time around, but the humor and story line come straight from the sewer. Hell, just look at that damn promo poster.

The story begins shortly after the events of SNAPPER REVENGE. The bereaved sibling who killed and devoured Snapper finds himself tormented by nightmares and a case of chronic constipation. After some medical advice and the application of the dreaded apparatus, the cause becomes clear.

What will be the consequence of this shocking revelation? If nothing else, it will lead to gratuitous profanity, unrealistic violence, and a complete lack of common sense.

Perfect!

Expect the 'twin theme' begun in SNAPPER REVENGE to expand in PROGENY. You will likely see all the players from the previous two chapters of THE SNAPPER SAGA. Expect some new 'actors' to appear as well. PROGENY will most likely be the last chapter in THE SNAPPER SAGA, but rumors abound of a future SNAPPER tale of the Dai Kaiju variety. Only time will tell.

Even if SNAPPER is put to bed after this one, we've got some other, more controversial video projects for the future.

The SNAPPER COMIC is still alive, but like PROGENY, suffers from a lack of free time. More is on the way. After the initial two stories are complete, we will bring you SNAPPER PAYBACK, a story penned by technobohemia.com's ringmaster.

Have faith turtle fans, you'll get to see it all by September. Until then,

WATCH THE SNAPPER SAGA THUS FAR.

NEW SNAPPER REVENGE SHIRT

2005-05-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, the SNAPPER REVENGE Ringer T-Shirt is now available! Be the first on your block to sport this jazzy shirt emblazoned with the image of a bloody Dave, freshly sated from gorging on Snapper's suspiciously spaghetti-like innards!

The back features some ancient Snapper artwork and a plug for our website.

Click below to see the shirt and ordering information.

SNAPPER REVENGE RINGER T-SHIRT

Get yours now! Become one with the shit pile that is THE SNAPPER SAGA!

TECHNO BOHEMIA'S MOST WATCHED - APRIL 2005

2005-05-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

Technobohemia.com has posted the results for their most watched videos of April 2005. Once again, both of our SNAPPER films had a strong showing. Be sure to check out Technobohemia.com and watch all the films/videos they have to offer!

The following is from the Techno Bohemia forums...

1. The Aurora Chair (164 views)
2. Snapper (94 views)
3. Snapper Revenge (83 views)
4. The Alien Hunter (64 views)
5. Intergalactic Pizza (59 views)
6. Tey Liv (41 views)
7. Lost Inside (7 views)

Also this month, we had more international visitors than ever. Lots of stuff transferred to Denmark in particular. Also, Hello to our Latvian friends! Baltic States rule!

Once again, SNAPPER thanks the Techno Bohemians for helping to pimp out our atrocious little odes to no budget stupidity!

WHY WAIT?

2005-04-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

So there you were, surfing the net for things like OLD BOB, THE BERMUDA DEPTHS, or anything relating to giant turtles of the sea, common snapper or alligator snapper variety. There in your search results was a link to this atrocious site. You came here out of curiosity, not really sure what you'd find.

Maybe you watched SNAPPER and/or watched SNAPPER REVENGE. Perhaps you read our crappy SNAPPER COMIC. You probably wondered why anyone wrought this no-budget crap upon the earth. Hell, maybe you enjoyed our rampant stupidity. Maybe you even considered buying our SNAPPER DVD.

Believe it or not, sometimes people order the DVD. Hell, a few brave souls have even purchased SNAPPER APPAREL.

Perhaps you'd like a closer look at the DVD. Well, you can get a detailed look at the DVD and its packaging by clicking the link below.

SNAPPER DVD AND PACKAGING

Lovely, wasn't it? Why wait? Click the PayPal button in the right hand links column to order your SNAPPER DVD today! Become one with the shit pile that is SNAPPER!

SNAPPER - PAGE FIVE

2005-04-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

Enjoy yet another page of poop!

Click below to...

SEE THE COMIC BOOK SO FAR.

NEW GIANT LINKS

2005-04-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

I added some new links today relating to other giant turtles and giant beasts in general. Topping the list is OLD BOB, the giant alligator snapping turtle caught in Laguna Lake last year. He's followed be the giant sea turtle flick, THE BERMUDA DEPTHS. Next is WOLFGANG COOPER'S book Snapper, available through amazon.com. Mr. Cooper's Snapper is in no way related to Southernecrology Production's SNAPPER SAGA. Rounding out the list is a gallery of photos from National Geographic's television show about HOGZILLA. Sure, Hogzilla is no turtle, but he's still freakin' HUGE!

You can find the links in the lower right hand column, under the title GIANT LINKS.

I'll add more links as time allows. They will include such lovely cinematic reptilian giants as GAMERA, KAMEBA, and the true story of OSCAR, THE BEAST OF BUSCO.

Be sure to come back Tuesday for an all new SNAPPER COMIC page!

Until then, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU FISH FOR!!!!!

GIANT SEA TURTLE CARCASS

2005-04-19T18:55:00.000-07:00

Okay then, fans of THE BERMUDA DEPTHS will enjoy this one...

A giant sea turtle carcass washed up on the beaches of Florida last Monday. Is it a baby GAMERA? Is it an alien infected relative of KAMEBA? Is there a mysterious carving on the shell?

Regardless, this sea dwelling sucker is HUGE! Click below to ...

READ MORE or SEE THE PHOTOS.

My thanks to Shannon for bringing this to my attention.

SNAPPER - PAGE FOUR

2005-04-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Okay kiddies, here's the craptastic page four of the Snapper Comic. Sure, it's a bit shitty, but if it were high quality, it wouldn't be SNAPPER.

Click below to see the comic so far...

Also of note, I'd like to thank the brave soul from Missouri that recently purchased a SNAPPER DVD. Your support of our abject stupidity is highly appreciated. We hope you enjoy it and spread the word of the turd that is SNAPPER!

SNAPPER COMIC UPDATE

2005-04-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

Here's a rough of the next Snapper comic page. It still needs some outline work and text added. Still, it's proof that the project is still alive. I plan to get three new pages done this week, so keep checking back!

Click below to see the comic so far...

SEARCHING THE BERMUDA DEPTHS

2005-04-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

I check my site meter frequently. Perhaps too frequently, as traffic here is never really booming. Regardless, I check to see how people found SNAPPER. I check to see what they were searching after. Sometimes, I do a little post about some of these quests, offering up the best links I can find concerning the subject. A subject that often comes up is the 1978 made for TV flick THE BERMUDA DEPTHS.

The film seems to have made a deep impression on folks who saw it during childhood. Now, with the advent of DVD, they endlessly quest for the film in this newest of formats. No dice kids, it hasn't been released on DVD.

Still, there is an attempt by petition to convince Anchor Bay to release the giant sea turtle epic. Click below to read more and sign the petition.

THE BERMUDA DEPTHS PETITION

For tons of info on the film itself, click below for the best site I found about the film.

FROM HERE TO OBSCURITY : BERMUDA DEPTHS

Hey, if you've got goofy turtle movie withdrawal, you can always

SNAPPER RANKINGS

2005-04-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

Technobohemia.com has posted a list of Most Watched Videos for March 2005 in their forums. Our little turtle did pretty well last month.

Technobohemia.com - Most Watched Videos for March 2005

1. Intergalactic Pizza 32 views
2. SNAPPER REVENGE 24 views
3. SNAPPER 22 views
4. The Alien Hunter 19 views
5. Aurora Chair 12 views
6. Recycle 10 views

I've also been informed that SNAPPER has already been viewed 43 times this month! That's 43 people that each lost eleven minutes of their lives to SNAPPER! And no, they will never get those eleven minutes back.

Sacrifice your time to complete stupidity!

Be sure and watch ALL the videos that Technobohemia.com has to offer. You can peruse their Dragon Con TV spots and other short films. Get going! Support independent endeavors!

THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG?

2005-04-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

Okay rampaging reptile fans, things have been a little slow here at Southernecrology Productions lately. Considering that this 'production company' is basically one immature idiot that works eighty hours a week and a couple of friends, we're pretty productive.

There will be a new flurry of activity on the Snapper Comic very soon. Also, as if anyone really cared, SNAPPER PROGENY is still in the works. You can translate that as I'll starting building a bigger, much better turtle as time allows. Regardless, SNAPPER PROGENY will be finished by September. Watch for 'creature production' photos very soon.

In the meantime, you can quench your rampaging turtle thirst with a book I ran across on Amazon.com. As fate would have it, said book is entitled SNAPPER. It is no way related to Southernecrology Production's SNAPPER SAGA, but still features a rampaging overgrown Alligator Snapping Turtle.

I haven't personally read it, but anything about a snapper killing folks can't be all bad!

The following is a photo of the book and the Amazon.com product description:

SNAPPER is a story that mirrors the timeless spirit of masterpieces such as JAWS and TREMORS. SNAPPER mixes suspense, horror, humor and bayou country hi-jinks to conjure up a tale that just might be true, as a Giant Alligator Snapping Turtle, whose natural habitat is being destroyed by an evil oil drilling company, goes on a rampage in the small, Louisiana river town of Scottsville.

READ MORE...

Wolfgang Cooper's book was published in 2000. Southernecrology Productions shot SNAPPER and SNAPPER REVENGE in 2001. We started marketing the infantile mess in 2004. I don't know what sort of copyright issues this conjures, but Mr. Cooper's book was unknown to me until last week. Hell, I guess there's not to many things to call a story about a big snapper. I'm going to assume it's inconsequential, like when Harvey Comics tried to sue the makers of Ghostbusters, citing that the Ghostbusters insignia looked a lot like their character, Fatso.

A judge resolved the issue by stating something to the effect of their are only so many ways to draw a cartoon ghost.

Indeed.

SNAPPER COMIC UPDATE

2005-03-21T16:49:00.000-08:00

Okay kids, in order to save on space and loading time, the Snapper Comic Book now has its own page! Be sure to check it often, two pages were added just this week! Click below to see them all!

IT'S SOME KINDA' GIANT PIG...IT'S HOGZILLA!!!!

2005-03-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

The giant creatures just keep on coming...

Chris Griffin caused quite an internet stir last year after posting this photo of HOGZILLA. Griffin claimed to have bagged the beast near Alapaha, Ga., last June.

He claimed HOGZILLA weighed over 1000 pounds and sported nine inch tusks. He also claimed to have buried the beast after taking the photo. The speculation raged. Was the photo doctored? Was HOGZILLA a hoax?

Well, the final word on Hogzilla is out.

Experts from National Geographic exhumed the porcine giant and got all scientific on the corpse. It turns out 'Zilla fell a little short of the 1000 pound mark, though he still tipped the scales at a whopping 800 pounds. DNA tests revealed a wild boar in 'Zilla's family tree as well. These facts and more were revealed in the National Geograhic Explorer show that aired last night. Click below to see pics from the show.

HOGZILLA GALLERY

What the hell was up with last year? SNAPPER goes DVD and overgrown southern animals start coming out of the woodwork. Okay, we've had Hogzilla the giant boar and Old Bob the giant alligator snapping turtle. What's next? A two hundred pound opossum? Geeezzzz!!!!

SNAPPER ALUMNI NEWS

2005-03-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

We recently received word that some early 'lost' films featuring DAVE from SNAPPER and SNAPPER REVENGE will soon be available!

If you think SNAPPER was the first time Dave whored himself out to some morons with a camcorder, you're dead wrong. Very soon, his performances as THRONGDAN THE MERCILESS and BUBBA FREDRICKSON - VOCAL TRAINER, will be the world's to ponder. Hopefully, his turn as SUPER BUDDHA will turn up as well!

Dave has also been recently published on Galactichunter.com. Sealing his dork status, Dave gushes about Episode III toys and the current state of his underpants...

READ THE WHOLE DORKY THING

HONORING OLD BOB

2005-03-13T10:32:00.001-08:00

We here at Southernecrology Productions owe a great debt to Old Bob, the giant snapper captured in California last year. Rumors of Old Bob's existence had persisted for over forty years. Most people considered him only a legend, until workers dredging Laguna Lake caught him in their nets.

Our site tracker indicates that many folks stumble across this site while searching for info on Old Bob. That damn beast has generated quite a bit of traffic for us. In return, we offer you Old Bob questers a link to the best damn slideshow of old Bob photos we have found. Follow the link below to see nine glorious photos of the horror that is Old Bob. For all Bob has done for us, we are declaring him the official Patron Saint of Southernecrology Productions. Long live the beast! Hail Old Bob!

OLD BOB SLIDESHOW

THE SUBMISSION BEGINS

2005-02-21T17:10:00.000-08:00

Our first SNAPPER COMIC submission has arrived! Raieth from technobohemia.com has offered up a rough draft of his tale, SNAPPER PAYBACK. The story takes us back to the 1800's when a boy's loss, a gunman's mistake, and a baby snapper collide. Needless to say, their lives are forever changed. Definately something different, SNAPPER PAYBACK should make for a great chapter in our turd-a-licious comic!

Also on the way is Troy's take on the origins of his Turtle Hunter character from SNAPPER REVENGE. Might we get a glimpse of the day his nuts said good-bye? We'll wait and see.

Until then, keep watching the lake and the Comic Book post below, as it will be updated as new pages become available.

THE SNAPPER COMIC

2005-02-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

First, there was SNAPPER, the worst no-budget film ever made. Then came SNAPPER REVENGE, another obscene low in independent cinema. The fall of 2005 will bring SNAPPER PROGENY, yet another crappy debacle from our fine group of idiots. Until then, enjoy the rough sketches for the upcoming SNAPPER COMIC. It will contain a preview story for PROGENY, plus other SNAPPER lore. You too can be a part of the SNAPPER COMIC! Send us your fan art and/or stories at snapperfilm@aol.com. Become part of the shitpile that is SNAPPER!

Okay then, enjoy page one, two, and three...

The following are the first two finished pages for the REVENGE adaptation, in random order...

Click below to see updated pages.

THE STORY THUS FAR...

2005-01-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

Wanting nothing more than a relaxing day of fishing, two half wits embark on a journey that becomes a tragedy. They reel in more than they bargained for in the form of SNAPPER. Angered by the undoubtedly unpleasant hook to the mouth routine, SNAPPER pursues the two imbeciles through the woods. Carnage ensues via unrealistic violence and cardboard puppetry.

After learning that his twin brother has fallen victim to Snapper's senseless bloodlust, a bereaved sibling seeks REVENGE! Upon enlisting the help of a mysterious turtle hunter with issues of his own, the enraged brother sets out to destroy SNAPPER. Cardboard puppetry carnage ensues. Who will survive, man or beast?

With his act of revenge complete, the twin brother begins to wonder if eating SNAPPER's innards was such a good idea. Plagued by nightmares and a long bout of constipation, he seeks professional assistance. Will removal of the blockage bring relief or an astonishing revelation! Cardboard puppetry and suitmation carnage ensues! Keep watching for PROGENY updates. This third installment will take bad taste and no-budget antics to a whole new low!

A SNAPPER ALUMNI SPEAKS

2005-01-29T17:44:00.000-08:00

The following is a message from SNAPPER alumni Kevin. You know, the ball cap wearing fool with the ever itchy butt. Enjoy his musings.

Snapper is one of the best bad movies I have ever seen or been a part of. The cardboard and duct tape turtle is of the highest artistic standards (Momma, he ain't got no hind legs!). The audio and video precision granted by a VHS camcorder are excellent. And the acting itself, well, I think it's obvious the level of thought and preparation that went into the dialogue. And of course being the physical specimens that we are, all stunt work was done by us. Utter stupidity? Drunken tomfoolery? Comic genius? You be the judge. So do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of this movie. You'll be so glad you did. And if nothing else, the disc makes for a handsome beer coaster. And the case can be used as a hiding place for that freaky fetish porno that you want no one to know you possess. You know the one - with the livestock and midgets and key lime pie, you nasty sicko. - KEVIN

SNAPPER PROGENY UPDATE

2005-01-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

This is the first bit of work towards the next SNAPPER installment. It's a quick little sketch of our new turtle. He's much more anthropomorphic, as we plan to use a guy in a suit. Plus, the turtle will actually have back legs and a tail this time around.

Though the original unrealistic rampaging reptile was put down in SNAPPER REVENGE, the craptabulous, shitastic horror that is SNAPPER continues! You won't believe the origin of this new SNAPPER!

The premise of SNAPPER PROGENY will take bad taste and no-budget shenanigans to a whole new low! Keep watching the site for updates.

WATCH SNAPPER REVENGE

2004-12-21T20:50:00.000-08:00

Here it is kiddies! Just as promised, SNAPPER REVENGE in Windows Media! Just click on the image above to experience another chapter of unrealistic violence, foul language, and cardboard puppetry!

Witness how it all began! To see the original SNAPPER, click the image below.

SNAPPER and SNAPPER REVENGE are brought to you in this format by the fine folks at Technobohemia.com.

And now, the latest comment on our majestic turd...

Guys, I must say that is one of the funniest movies, Snapper & Snapper Revenge, I've ever seen. We will have to collaborate on a movie real soon between our characters. Can't wait for the third installment - DARION X

COUNTDOWN TO REVENGE

2004-12-20T21:06:00.000-08:00

Well kids, I've been informed that SNAPPER REVENGE will available to view in Windows Media this Wednesday, December 22nd. It will be hosted by the fine folks at Technobohemia.com. Until then, enjoy the following synopsis.

A brother's revenge. A mysterious ally. Two men will settle the score...REVENGE!

After learning that his twin brother has fallen victim to Snapper's senseless bloodlust, a bereaved sibling seeks REVENGE! Upon enlisting the help of a mysterious turtle hunter with issues of his own, the enraged brother sets out to destroy Snapper. Cardboard puppetry carnage ensues. Who will survive, man or beast? Watch and see...

SNAPPER PROGENY

2004-12-18T23:00:00.000-08:00

It's official. Pre-production will begin on the next installment of the SNAPPER series in January 2005. Tentatively titled SNAPPER PROGENY, it will even further stretch the limits of bad taste and sloppy effects! We plan to spend a bit more than five bucks on this one. Expect to see suitmation effects for our next creature, though the beloved cardboard puppetry will be involved as well. Dave Hollars will reprise his SNAPPER REVENGE role. Further casting is unknown at this time.

Your only hint for the storyline is this...what goes in the stomach eventually comes out the ass.

In the meantime, watch the original SNAPPER in Windows Media! Just click the link below.

SNAPPER REVENGE will be available in Windows Media soon!
Keeping watching the site for updates!

SNAPPER IN STREAMING VIDEO

2004-12-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

Alright kiddies, the streaming video of SNAPPER is now up! SNAPPER REVENGE will be up in the near future. Click the link below to view the streaming video, exclusive to Technobohemia.com...

...enjoy the show!

My thanks to TECHNOBOHEMIA.COM for all their help! And now, the latest SNAPPER review, via Technobohemia.com's SNAPPER FORUM...

Guys, I wanna let you know how amazingly great that was! Great Laugh, and cheap humor. I loved it all! Guys, if you want a "celebrity" to star in a Snapper film...have my Agent Shannon get in touch with me. - ARYKH

Thanks ARYKH! Anyone else with something to say can leave it in the comments link below each post or email us at snapperfilm@aol.com.

I'd also like to thank EC in New York for purchasing a SNAPPER BASEBALL JERSEY. Having a complete stranger enjoy our majestic turd enough to buy a shirt makes it all worth it!

PIMPING THE TURTLE

2004-12-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

Attention unrealistic turtle puppet fans, SNAPPER has got a brand new pimp! The fine folks over at TECHNOBOHEMIA.COM have a coming attractions spot posted on their site. They will have a streaming video of the Snapper saga coming very soon! Keep watching for updates! All you folks who are unsure about buying a film you know nothing about will soon be able to get a look at the majestic turd we have to offer!

If you're super brave, why wait? You can purchase your deluxe copy of SNAPPER via the PayPal link in the right hand column.

If you're less than brave, but curious, I have a few early versions of the DVD laying about that I can offer for FREE! No fancy case, no lovely case inserts, and no SNAPPER REVENGE. You'll only get the DVD in a paper sleeve containing SNAPPER and SNAPPER IN THE RAW. If you want a freebie, just send us your Postal mailing address, US or Canadian, to snapperfilm@aol.com. We'll send you a promo disc absolutely free! Supplies of the freebie are VERY limited! Act now!

THE BEAST IS RELEASED

2004-11-02T16:38:00.000-08:00

The SNAPPER DVD is now available for purchase via PayPal! Product details, pricing, and the PayPal purchase link can be found in the column to the right. See for yourself the unbridled, Z-Grade, no budget, comedic horror of the only 'film' based on the legendary giant snapping turtle of Ulanawa Lake! See SNAPPER!

Below is the only known photograph of the Ulanawa Lake creature. It is shown peering out from under a rocky lake bank. The photo was developed from film in a blood encrusted camera found by the lakeshore. It was the last shot taken.

I would like to personally thank everyone who has expressed interest in the project. Whether you bought a DVD, bought a shirt, responded to our earlier free promos, left us a review via the comments or e-mail, wrote about us on your blog/website, forced your friends to watch SNAPPER, or helped to spread the word of our turd in any way at all. Thank you from the bottom of our bowels! May the powers that be bless every last one of you!

A very special thanks goes out to everyone in our small group involved in the production of this abomination! The effort and dedication you have all poured into this project will never be forgotten, nor forgiven. Be proud, your names are etched forever in the annals of cinematic trash!

...And as always, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU FISH FOR!!!!

FAMOUS SNAPPERS

2004-10-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

Man's history is rife with legends. Many center around mysterious creatures that reside in the depths. Apart from the myriad legends of sea monsters, there abound the legends of lake monsters. None is more frightening than that of the giant snapping turtle. American lore and legend is rich with stories of these overgrown killing machines.

One such legend is of Oscar, THE BEAST OF BUSCO. Oscar terrorized a small Indiana town in 1949. A massive hunt for the giant snapper turned up nothing. Oscar was presumed dead or to have moved from the area. His memory is still celebrated with an annual festival. Below is the town's logo.

The legend of OLD BOB haunted Laguna Lake in Fullerton, California for over fifty years. Old Bob proved to be more than a legend when he turned up in maintenance workers nets. The capture of the legendary giant alligator snapping turtle gained national attention. Below is a photo of Bob trapped in his captors' net.

A lesser known legend is of a beast from the hills of Tennessee. Simply known as SNAPPER, this viscous, possibly mutated, snapping turtle is thought to have claimed several lives. Whenever someone goes missing in or around Ulanawa Lake, it is chalked up to SNAPPER. The creature has never been captured, but many have claimed to have seen it. Several fishermen even claim to have reeled Snapper in, only to cut the line out of sheer terror! Below is the only known photograph of the creature, peering out from under a rocky lake bank. The photo was developed from film in a blood encrusted camera found by the lakeshore. It was the last shot taken.

This Halloween will mark the release of the first 'film' to pay homage to the Beast of Ulanawa Lake. The Z-Grade, no budget, truly independent SNAPPER DVD is loosely based on the creature's final rampage and an eyewitness account of its supposed demise. The DVD contains two short features - SNAPPER and SNAPPER REVENGE. It also contains a special bonus feature - SNAPPER IN THE RAW, an unedited look at the footage that became SNAPPER.

If the eyewitness account is true, then SNAPPER met his end in a brother's act of revenge. If not, then the signs posted at Ulanawa Lake still merit their warning of BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU FISH FOR.

The SNAPPER DVD will be available through this site starting October 31st, 2004. It will be available for purchase via PayPal.

GET YOUR FREE PROMO DVD

2004-10-21T20:36:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, I've got a few free promo SNAPPER DVDs* up for grabs. they are the initial promo version containing SNAPPER and SNAPPER IN THE RAW. Promo DVDs come in a paper sleeve instead of the slimline case. If you'd like one, just email us your postal mailing address, US or Canadian, to snapperfilm@aol.com and it will be sent absolutely free! Sure, it's a Z-Grade piece of poop, but it's a free piece of poop!

*This is the free promo version. It does not contain SNAPPER REVENGE and comes in a paper sleeve instead of a case. This is a Region 1 DVD-R.

Okay, now on to the latest review...

We got SNAPPER yesterday. I laughed my ass off!! Butchmule was cracking up too. At least I can say I knew you way back when the E! channel does your 'true hollywood story.' It was so cool to watch. The dvd packaging looked great. Are you making a cameo in SON OF SNAPPER? I think you should. Thanks for sending it to us. Have a good weekend. - BERE

SNAPPER RELEASE DATE

2004-10-02T10:39:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching my Promo DVD of Snapper with a splash of Snapper Revenge and I must say it sped right past stupid and straight into funny as shit. You can't help but burst into laughter... - MEATHEAD

Hello boys and girls, we have some exciting news! The official release date for SNAPPER has been set! Our ridiculous opus will be available for purchase on OCTOBER 31st, 2004. I think Halloween is a fitting day to release our beloved turd upon America, or at least the folks that stumble onto this site. SNAPPER will be available for a very reasonable price and all transactions will occur via PayPal.

Keep watching the site! There WILL BE a pre-release FREE PROMO OFFER coming soon! There will also be a TRADE IN OFFER for folks who received the earlier promo version that did not contain SNAPPER REVENGE.

Until then, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU FISH FOR...

NEWS AND SNAPPER REVIEWS...

2004-09-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

We just finished final editing on SNAPPER REVENGE! The next run of DVDs will contain SNAPPER, SNAPPER REVENGE, and SNAPPER IN THE RAW. Barring any technical disasters, we should have multiple copies available very soon! There will be a 'trade in' offer for some of the folks who responded to our 'free promo' of the earlier version. Keep checking back for details. Now, onto some new reviews...

Snapper is a film that plays on a primal childhood fear of mine, namely that a giant snapping turtle will burst out of a pile of nearby leaves and take a big bite out of my nuts.

I'm unsure if it finally made it into a film because it is a widely held fear, or, merely just a coincidence, but it is a bit worrisome nonetheless.

Disclaimers abound on the Snapper site and in the liner notes of the film that the film is not to be taken seriously, but with my turtle-nard munching phobia, I cannot help but take it as such.

They also stress that it is not a good film, but I would argue that I could go to my DVD shelves and point to many a film that is worse. Many of these with much larger budgets than $5.

Snapper manages to be both funny and terrifying to me at the same time. It gives you just enough time to begin feeling for the two fishermen before the carnage begins.

I'm looking forward to Snapper Revenge quite a bit, and I can only hope that down the road there will be such sequels as Son of Snapper, Bride of Snapper, and perhaps Curse of Snapper.

Excellent use of a cardboard puppet. - FILTHY HIPPY

A true masterpiece of cinema arrived in my mailbox today...SNAPPER! This fine production was produced by REX over at Damn Diary. I smell Oscar...I also smell ..."a true majestic turd of a short film" Go get it now!!! - BITTER

Thanks guys!

LATEST NEWS...

2004-09-23T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hi kids, the SNAPPER FREE DVD PROMO is officially over. The freebies are all gone! We'd like to thank everyone who responded! Snapper DVDs went to Tennessee, Missouri, Arizona, Washington State, and even New York City! That's not even counting the ones from Dragon*Con. Who knows where they ended up.

We are nearing completion on the new SNAPPER SPECIAL EDITION. Yes, we've gone Lucas. This DVD will available by purchase only. It will contain SNAPPER, SNAPPER REVENGE, and possibly SNAPPER IN THE RAW. If you loved the promo disc, you'll love Revenge as well.

We leave you today with the latest response to SNAPPER...

Don't Go Near the Water - a Review of Snapper

by KRIS aka DAWG

Honestly, I did not know what to expect when I received my Snapper DVD, and I must say that I was not prepared for such an involved story. A story full of friendship and pain, terror and life struggle. The story begins simple enough, Kevin and Dave simply want to go on a fishing trip. But the simplicity soon ends as this trip turns into a fight for survival, and eventually costs them their lives.

Snapper covers many genres of the theatrical field. With a mixture of The Blair Witch Project, Jaws, and Beavis and Butthead, these are lines that have clearly never been crossed. Few dare to tackle such a challenge. But with complex characters - Kevin, with the ever itchy butt, and Dave, with his inability to smoke a cigarette correctly, you are drawn in by the realness. If I were rating, I would give this movie 5 turds out of 5, but there is a burning question I can't get out of my mind that I'm afraid may never be answered - Who gets Kevin's fishing pole now that he's dead? Maybe this will be covered in the sequel, or the sure-to-be-coming prequel, I don't know, but for now - Remember...the next time you're camping, boating at the lake, or peeing off a pier, be careful. Snapper is out there, lurking, waiting for you to come near the water. I urge to you to think twice. Please.....be careful what you fish for.....

MORE SNAPPER REVIEWS

2004-09-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

Well kids, we have a few more reactions to SNAPPER for you! Also, concerning the FREE DVD PROMO, there's only one left! Grab it! Just e-mail your US Postal mailing address to snapperfilm@aol.com and it can be yours absolutely free! After it's gone, SNAPPER will actually cost money!

Snapper kicked ass. I will be sure to spread the word about Snapper and how retarded it actually is. - SHANNON

lol...snapper was really scary... and to think that they actually, really for truly found SNAPPER! It is like scaring the hell out of me...we need a posse... - JORDAN

...I thought it was excellent, excellent stuff. I applaud your efforts, sir...It's 11 minutes of hilarity. I laughed out loud. To me, that's the highest compliment one can give. - TOMMY

Wow...I'm blushing! I'm glad I was able to share rampant stupidity with you fine folks! God bless you all!

BIG SNAPPER NEWS

2004-09-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

Dear urealistic turtle puppet fans, I recently sent an e-mail to B-Movie reviewer, comedian, author, and renaissance man JOE BOB BRIGGS* about our ridiculous SNAPPER project. I asked if he would be willing to watch our majestic turd. I received a reply today. Mr. Briggs stated, "Sure thing, bud, I'd be happy to take a look at it."

I'll be sending him one this week. Wow, Joe Bob will see SNAPPER. Hopefully he will swing by the site and post a comment!

We'd also like to thank SHANNON for being the first person to order a SNAPPER shirt! God bless you!

Spread the turd...I mean word of SNAPPER!

GET IN ON THE FREE DVD PROMO.

*Joe Bob Briggs is not affiliated with, nor endorses SNAPPER

THEY CAUGHT SNAPPER!

2004-09-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

GET IN ON THE FREE DVD PROMO!!!

Talk about life imitating art! Have you hear about what they pulled from the bottom of Laguna Lake in Fullerton, California? Apparently it was some kind of giant turtle. It was a giant snapping turtle! I think I'll sue!

YAHOO NEWS - A giant 100-pound alligator snapping turtle, thought to be 50-years-old, is captured in a net Thursday, Sept. 9, 2004, in Fullerton, Calif. Workers hired to scoop fish from Laguna Lake pulled out the turtle that local residents have heard tales about for 40 years.

WHITTIER DAILY NEWS - Giant snapping turtle found in Laguna Lake...The legend of a vicious snapping turtle named Old Bob turned out to be true when workers hired to scoop fish from Laguna Lake pulled out the 50-year-old creature.
For 40 years, residents around the man-made lake had heard rumors about the 100-pound reptile known as an alligator snapping turtle...Officials didn't know how the giant turtle, normally found in the South and Midwest, got to the lake...Alligator snapping turtles are the largest of all freshwater turtles in North America...They're also dangerous. (read full story)

No shit! Try video taping a really mean one made out of cardboard!

Here's another story about this giant snapping turtle!

SNAPPER NEWS AND REVIEWS

2004-09-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you come to, or stumble upon, this site and think to yourself, I'd like to see this SNAPPER. Well my friends, the deluxe version, with a nifty slim line case chock full of color inserts, hasn't been burnt yet. We hope to have that done within the next couple of weeks. Then, and only then, will we actually be selling SNAPPER.

But wait! You can get one of our free promotional SNAPPER DVDs right now! The label had a bit of a printing mishap and there is a cosmetic mistake on the menu screen. We decided to just give these away without the case. The promo DVD will arrive in a color DVD paper sleeve.

All you have to do is email us your US or Canadian mailing address to snapperfilm@aol.com and we'll send you one absolutely FREE! What have you got to lose? We only have four left, so ACT NOW!

While you mull it over, see what others are saying about the rampant stupidity that is SNAPPER!

Ah, Snapper. A film that changed my life. I laughed. I cried. It became a part of me. The epic story of man against beast. What else could you want from a film? The subtle special effects and use of cardboard are astounding. No CGI here. The only better use of a turtle is GAMERA and maybe BERMUDA DEPTHS. This is a film to be seen and loved. If only there were plush toys to give to my kids. God bless the people responsible for SNAPPER! I only hope that the DVD does well and maybe, one day, we will see SON OF SNAPPER. - TBLAIR

Personally, I loved the SNAPPER short film. It's a laugh riot. Definitely worth the price of FREE. I hope those promo DVD's found good homes. - SKYCRY

God bless the makers of SNAPPER, bringing light to a member of the turtle family that is often forgotten and misunderstood. I must honestly say that I enjoyed this work of art that you guys did shit upon the earth. And it gets better and funnier with every viewing, as I try to spread the word. Thanks for the movie, guys --- a worthy addition to my collection! I laughed, I cried, and I took a nice shit afterwards. See you at the Oscars! - JAMIE

Ah Snapper.... My life was going well before I got involved in making this piece of crap. Since then I've lost my house, my fiance' and was forced to move from Knoxville!! All because of the 'joys' of being in this movie!! It's good to know you guys are making millions pimping out this retarded bitch!! I hope you rot in Hell.... Just kidding!! Snapper is fantastic!! Order it, buy it, make love to it!! JUST GET IT!! You will not be sorry!! Well, you might be!! - DAVE

HATE SNAPPER? BLAME US!

2004-09-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a shot of three tipsy folks who are part of the SNAPPER saga as they prepare to roam about DRAGON*CON. If you've seen our majestic turd of a short film, you may recognize the middle fellow. Despite his 'realistic' death scene in SNAPPER, he is alive and well! Notice his lovely SNAPPER shirt? Well, you can get your own at the SNAPPER STORE!

Don't forget about our FREE DVD PROMO!

"I don't know! It's some kinda god damn turtle! It's a big snapper!"

THANKS YOU GUYS!

2004-09-13T15:21:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank everyone who has responded to the free DVD promotion so far. Your DVDs were mailed out today. We hope you enjoy the blatant stupidity that is SNAPPER! We hope you return to the site and post a comment after watching our Z-Grade turd!

There are four free sleeved SNAPPER DVDs still up for grabs. The DVD label on these promo discs has a printing glitch that was discovered after the labels had been applied.

Send your mailing address to snapperfilm@aol.com and we'll send you one absolutely free!

SNAPPER is a region 1 encoded DVD-R.

NEW COMMENT SERVICE ADDED

2004-09-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

Attention unrealistic turtle puppet fans! I've now added a new comment service. Now everyone can comment on SNAPPER! Whether you love us or hates us, we want to know!

The previous comment system only allowed Blogger users to comment. I didn't realize this until yesterday. We now have equal opportunity comments capability via HALOSCAN.

Sorry if anyone who tried to comment earlier was asked to join Blogger. It's fixed now!

Tell us just how stupid, bad, joyous, or ridiculous you thought SNAPPER turned out.

FREE SNAPPER DVD PROMO

2004-09-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

Though we gave away several DVD's at DRAGON*CON 2004, we have seven sleeved promotional SNAPPER DVD's left! They are all adorned with the promotional sticker, which had a bit of a printing glitch, and will not be sold in the slim line cases. A free DVD will be mailed to the first seven people to email us at snapperfilm@aol.com with their US Postal Service, or Canadian mailing address.*

By accepting this offer, you are declaring that your are 18 or older, as SNAPPER is rife with gratuitous profanity.

This is your last chance, unless you were personally contacted by us, to receive SNAPPER absolutely free! I personally guarantee that SNAPPER is worth the cost of nothing! ACT NOW!!!!!

All we ask in return is that you show SNAPPER to anyone who appreciates rampant stupidity! Spread the ridiculous reptilian joy! Spread SNAPPER!

*SNAPPER is a NSTC Region 1 encoded DVD-R. Offer expires September 30th 2004, or until supplies last.

BACK FROM THE CON...

2004-09-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

We're back from DRAGON*CON where SNAPPER went out into the world as a promotional freebie. If you're one of the several folks that was given a sleeved DVD or just picked one up from the flyer tables, we'd love to hear your comments. You can comment via the link following this post or via email to snapperfilm@aol.com.

If you've watched your DVD, you may be wondering if SNAPPER is meant to be so very stupid. That answer would be yes. It is intended to be a Z-grade farce, in all the shlocky glory possible.

Please share it with anyone you know who appreciates rampant stupidity!

IT IS FINISHED...

2004-08-31T21:49:00.000-07:00

The SNAPPER DVD is completely finished. We'll be handing out flyers and maybe even a few copies at DRAGON*CON this coming weekend. Be sure and look for our flyers if you attend.

The final product contains...

SNAPPER - A lazy day of fishing goes horribly wrong when two half-wits catch more than thay bargained for...Who, if anyone, will survive the reptilian rage of Snapper? Pure no-budget shlock abounds for eleven whole minutes!

SNAPPER REVENGE TRAILER - A brother's revenge coupled with the assistance of a mysterious ally is sworn to destroy Snapper! This complete project is coming soon!

SNAPPER IN THE RAW - A bonus feature consisting of the complete and unedited footage shot for SNAPPER with a running time of eighteen minutes.

The SNAPPER DVD comes in a nice slimline DVD case with a full color glossy insert! Pictures of the DVD and its packaging will be up soon.

The price for the DVD has not yet been set. Anyone interested in purchasing a copy should email us at snapperfilm@aol.com. We will contact you with price/shipping cost ASAP.

SNAPPER STORE OPENS

2004-08-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

Sure the DVD won't be for sale until September, but you can still get some cool SNAPPER swag! SNAPPER shirts and posters are available now at DAMN ART SHOP. Get your piece of a cult film so obscure that less than twenty people have even seen it!

EDITING IS COMPLETE!!!!!

2004-08-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

Attention unrealistic turtle puppet fans! Final editing on the SNAPPER DVD is complete! The master copy is burning at this very moment. Barring any technical explosions, crashes, or other unforseen flubs, the DVD will be available very soon! Finally, a finished SNAPPER is on the horizon! The release will also contain SNAPPER IN THE RAW as a bonus feature. SNAPPER IN THE RAW is every second of footage shot for the project, completely unedited. What's more, the DVD will also contain a trailer for the unfinished sequel SNAPPER REVENGE.

CAREFUL WHAT YOU FISH FOR!

2004-08-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

SNAPPER - A new low in independent film! No budget, no talent, and one mean turtle puppet take on the art of guerilla film making.

Way back in the early days of 2001, two friends discussed making a crappy home video about a killer snapping turtle. The idea kept creeping back into the mind of the friends, prompting one of them to construct a preliminary puppet out of tape, cardboard, and other items. Knowing there was never any real intention of completing the project, the puppet was created out of boredom. Two other friends, upon seeing the ridiculous puppet, were gung ho about being in the project. The result was SNAPPER.

Shot on VHS in a mere three hour period, SNAPPER was undertaken with no story, no script, and a total cost of five dollars. The result was an amusing short feature that takes nothing seriously. All who saw the footage responded positively.

Before the year was over, the group also shot SNAPPER - REVENGE. The friends tried to plan this one, thereby killing it. Though it lacks the fun spontaneity of SNAPPER, it has its moments.

The tapes languished for three years in the custody of their creator. During this time, they went through several primitive VCR to VCR editing attempts and were screened by several people. All who viewed SNAPPER had a positive response to the stupidity the friends had wrought. SNAPPER - REVENGE, as with all sequels, didn't capture the same bravado charm as its predecessor and remains a pale shadow.

This site is the dawn of the SNAPPER DVD, or VCD depending on the cash flow. It is hoped that this project can be completed by the fall of 2004.

Tentatively, it will contain the final edits of SNAPPER and SNAPPER-REVENGE along with the complete footage shot for each project.

Keep checking for updates!

SNAPPER - THE GIANT SNAPPING TURTLE MOVIE

SNAPPER INVADES CALI!!

IS SNAPPER DEAD?

THANK YOU!

UPDATE?

WE'RE STILL HERE

REACTIONS TO SNAPPER

SNAPPER CONFOUNDS DEMS

SNAPPER COMIC REVISED

SNAPPER'S OUT OF FREEBIES

GIRLS GONE GRABBLIN'

catfishgrabblers.com is no way affiliated with, nor endorses Southernecrology Productions' SNAPPER SAGA.

GET YOUR FREE DVD

THE BEAST OF ULANAWA

Photos courtesy of T.N. Clay. Images originally appeared in his book, THE CURSE OF SNAPPER.

WE'RE REMODELING

PROGENY IS ONLINE!

PREPARE FOR POOP!

IT'S ALMOST TIME!

IDIOTS IN FESTIVUS BOOK

SNAPPER - BACK IN BLACK!

PROGENY ONLINE ON HOLD

THE FINAL SNAPPER

NEW SNAPPER GALLERY

ALL FREAKED OUT

LET THERE BE POOP!

SNAPPER HITS ARKANSAS

20 DAYS UNTIL FREAKSHOW!

FREAK SHOW 2005

BACK FROM A-HA IN NYC!!!

WEST COAST SNAPPER

PROGENY HAS BEGUN

FREE SNAPPER DVD

PROGENY BEGINS!

SNAPPER BLOGIVERSARY

SNAPPER COMIC'S NEW HOME

THE FLATWOODS MONSTER

QUICK SNAPPER UPDATE

BACK FROM G-FEST XII

THAT'S NO BRATWURST!

SNAPPER - A RETROSPECTIVE

GIANT CATFISH!

POST SHOW THOUGHTS

LATEST SNAPPER REACTION

SNAPPER PAGE SIX

SNAPPER SHOWING

TECHBO'S MOST WATCHED - MAY 2005

NEW SNAPPER COMIC PAGE

TURTLE ATTACKS DOG!

TURTLE HUNTER ORIGIN

TECHBO IS BACK!

BIG SNAPPER UPDATE

NEW SNAPPER REVENGE SHIRT

TECHNO BOHEMIA'S MOST WATCHED - APRIL 2005

WHY WAIT?

SNAPPER - PAGE FIVE

NEW GIANT LINKS

GIANT SEA TURTLE CARCASS

SNAPPER - PAGE FOUR

SNAPPER COMIC UPDATE

SEARCHING THE BERMUDA DEPTHS

SNAPPER RANKINGS

THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG?

SNAPPER COMIC UPDATE

IT'S SOME KINDA' GIANT PIG...IT'S HOGZILLA!!!!

SNAPPER ALUMNI NEWS

HONORING OLD BOB

THE SUBMISSION BEGINS

THE SNAPPER COMIC

THE STORY THUS FAR...

A SNAPPER ALUMNI SPEAKS

SNAPPER PROGENY UPDATE

WATCH SNAPPER REVENGE

COUNTDOWN TO REVENGE

SNAPPER PROGENY

SNAPPER IN STREAMING VIDEO

PIMPING THE TURTLE

THE BEAST IS RELEASED

FAMOUS SNAPPERS

GET YOUR FREE PROMO DVD